Here's something I never thought I'd say when I was younger: I have anxiety.
"But you're strong! You're courageous! Strong and courageous people don't have anxiety! Buck up, Buttercup!" (what my inner voice would say). Oh yes, they do. Strong and courageous people just learn how to manage it and move forward.
I haven't always struggled with anxiety but it's something that developed when I hit my 40s. I think it was from years of overworking, multitasking, run-run-running (without realizing any of my dreams) that created a "new normal" pathway for my brain to take when I wouldn't listen to the warning bells and just kept pushing myself. Once I realized this, I took action to make change for myself and created new pathways for my brain to take in order to process and manage the anxiety when it comes up.
I should also explain that there are different levels of anxiety (WebMD, HHS.gov, The Recovery Village all have good descriptions that I found in a Google search). I would classify mine as Moderate Anxiety that has dipped its toe into an occasional Severe or Panic. I'll have to share my story about the Severe and Panic extremes another time.
I've been struggling with my anxiety this past week. It may very likely be partially hormone-driven (All my 40+ ladies out there, can we say "perimenopause"?), but increasingly over the last week I've had this feeling of impending doom. Anxiety has been creeping in like a sneaky little snake along with that sinking feeling. I've noticed more "worry" pop into my head than usual. I've noticed "shame" this past week since I haven't accomplished as much as I wanted. I've had insomnia the majority of the past week which makes me very tired and more prone to feeling "worry" and "shame". Much of my self-coaching this week has been around (1) recognizing and consciously noticing these feelings coming in, (2) determining what thoughts I'm allowing into my mind that would bring these up, and (3) realizing that these are just thoughts and I give them meaning and power.
Things Happen...Often at the Worst Times
"Mektoub. It is written."
I'm pretty sure I've heard this line in movies here and there over the years. It is an Arabic word that basically means, "Okay. Some unlucky things have happened today, but that's apparently the way it was supposed to be. 'It was written' to happen that way before time began." It deals with fate and predestination.
Italians have a similar saying, "Que sera, sera," translated so beautifully by Doris Day in several of her movies, means "Whatever will be, will be."
What do we take from this? Whether you believe in fate or not, Things Happen. Sometimes they are the result of previous actions taken by you, sometimes they are the result of the actions of other beings. You are driving along and someone else hits your car on accident. It happened - maybe wasn't your fault but it happened nonetheless. You walk outside and happen to intersect the flight path of a bird that just relieved itself of its waste. It happened (some of y'all are adding two letters in front of that 'it' - I see you). It's just the way of life. Sometimes your truck breaks down because it has 200,000+ miles on it and needs some repairs and maintenance. It happens and we should absolutely expect that to happen, right? That's the way machines work.
How do we handle these things that happen?
I recently read a 1948 edition of Dale Carnegie's How to Stop Worrying and Stop Living. He compiled a collection of stories submitted in which people share how they conquered worry. One such story was of R. V. C. Bodley who shared his experience of "living with the Arabs" after World War I:
I went to live with the Arabs. I am glad I did so. They taught me how to conquer worry...They believe that every word which Mohammed wrote in the Koran is the divine revelation of Allah. So when the Koran says: "God created you and all your actions," they accept it literally. That is why they take life so calmly and never hurry or get into unnecessary tempers when things go wrong....To illustrate, let me tell you of a fierce, burning windstorm of the sirocco which I experienced when I was living in the Sahara. It howled and screamed for three days and nights. It was so strong, so fierce, that it blew sand from the Sahara hundreds of miles across the Mediterranean and sprinkled it over the Rhone Valley in France. The wind was so hot I felt as if the hair was being scorched off my head. My throat was parched. My eyes burned. My teeth were full of grit. I felt as if I were standing in front of a furnace in a glass factory. I was driven as near crazy as a man can be and retain his sanity. But the Arabs didn't complain. They shrugged their shoulders and said, "Mektoub!"...."It is written."
But immediately after the storm was over, they sprang into action: they slaughtered all the lambs because they knew they would die anyway; and by slaughtering them at once, they hoped to save the mother sheep. After, ...the flocks were driven southward to water. This was all done calmly, without worry or complaining or mourning over their losses. The tribal chief said: "It is not too bad. We might have lost everything. But praise God, we have forty percent of our sheep left to make a new start."
I remember another occasion, when we were motoring across the desert and a tire blew out. The chauffeur had forgotten to mend the spare tire. So there we were with only three tires. I fussed and fumed and got excited and asked the Arabs what we were going to do. They reminded me that getting excited wouldn't help, that it only made one hotter. The blown-out tire, they said, was the will of Allah and nothing could be done about it. So we started on, crawling along on the rim of a wheel. Presently the car sputtered and stopped. We were out of gas! The chief merely remarked: "Mektoub!" And, there again, instead of shouting at the driver because he had not taken on enough gas, everyone remained calm and we walked to our destination, singing as we went.
What did I take away from this story? Things happen, it doesn't do you any favors to get riled up. You can say, "Mektoub," and move on. Or if you prefer to live the Italian way, sing "Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be," with all the grandeur of Doris Day as you watch your anxiety melt away.
That Pending Doom
As I mentioned, I've had a feeling of impending doom with this creeping anxiety this week. Part of that was impending car troubles - which would probably be very expensive - that were suddenly getting worse. Sunday morning all those anxiety fears were rewarded when I got in my truck and nothing happened. And then I couldn't get the key fob out. Then finally got it out but couldn't get it back in later. Then couldn't even get the dashboard panel off to take a look on the inside to see if I could order a part and fix it myself. And since I live out in the boonies, it's not like a store is close by. I felt alone. I started feeling defeated. I forgot that I'd started cooking breakfast when I went outside to troubleshoot so I ended up turning my scrambled eggs into a crispy frittata sheet.
Fortunately, though, I'd been working on my thoughts this week. So instead of crumbling into a heap when my truck wouldn't start, I took on a "mektoub-que-sera-sera" attitude and jumped into action to try to resolve the problem. Admittedly, part of this was performed in an almost shock-like state since I felt a little numb and glazed over when Googling repair possibilities and trying different solutions but the point is, I took action.
I did also become overwhelmed by "the feels" at one point when my anxiety wanted me to feel defeated, alone, and isolated but my mind kicked in with logical truth that I had friends and family and a loving church I could call in an emergency and that this really wasn't an emergency. Appointments could be shifted if needed. I could get my truck towed to a repair shop. There were options.
So Sunday it all came crumbling down but was pretty quickly put back together by (1) redirecting my thoughts and (2) taking action in whatever ways were possible. We'll call it a Humpty Dumpty Day.
Even though it felt like a pretty difficult day, it turned out to be pretty good in the end. While I didn't accomplish half of what I wanted to accomplish this weekend, I did accomplish some things AND found more inner strength to push myself forward. At the end of the day after putting the chickens up for the night, I came back in the house and Fight Song by Rachel Platten was on the radio. Heck yeah! I cranked the volume up and sang my anthem for the week. Feel free to listen, yourself and be inspired this week. I've posted a link to the YouTube video on my Facebook page for Monday Music Inspiration. And go ahead and like my page for additional inspirational content while you're at it.
Points to take with you: Things happen, mektoub. Don't be defeated, take action. You are never really alone when you think about it.
Have a great week, my peeps!
As always, if you could use another set of eyes on your thoughts, don't hesitate to sign up for a 30-minute consultation on my Services page. Let's have a phone call and see if coaching is right for you. While you're at it, please take a second to sign up for my newsletter which will be launching this year. In it I will answer coaching questions that have been submitted and highlight blog posts from the page.
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