I know I talk a lot about failures and goals and worrying. And getting back up again and continuing to move forward.
That's because I struggle with all of that and have to coach myself through it all as well.
Even bitter disappointments and frustrations that make you want to throw in the towel.
I've been there before. I'm there now.
You see, I set a health goal for myself several months ago. I wanted to lose 40 pounds and get off all my medications by the end of 2019. I was doing pretty well at first...not really losing a lot of weight but felt good and could tell things were changing. And then something went wrong in the last 6 weeks. I haven't yet pinpointed what it was - and it may not be entirely related to something I did necessarily - but at my doctor's appointment yesterday I was beating myself up. And then beating myself up for beating myself up instead of studying my situation from the outside and just observing and being aware. So not only have I not lost 40 pounds, I've gained 3 and my "body set weight" has adjusted up those 3 to where it feels comfy there. <feel free to roll your eyes with me on that one> Not only have I not gotten off ALL of my medications by the end of the year, I've had to add the old ones back because my body is out of whack and it needs another jump start. And while we're at it, let's throw in higher blood pressure, higher than I've ever had before and I've never had blood pressure issues (we're talking 130/90 when I'm usually 108/68...and at my utmost stressed points in life I was only 120/80. I understand it could be worse but this was an unexpected addition yesterday.). And on top of that, my doctor (who is my absolute favorite) is moving and I will need to start over with yet another one.
So yeah, the last several months have NOT gone as planned. At all.
I'll admit that I'm discouraged. I'm disgusted. I'm still trying to beat myself up even today.
But that's not helping me readjust to my new set of circumstances and continue to move forward with this new information.
What will help me?
Accepting that today, this is where I am. Accepting it without judgement, just embracing who I am today.
Recognizing and forgiving myself for any mistakes or missteps I made along the way, and taking it one step further to understand WHY I made those mistakes so I don't repeat them.
Understanding that I can make choices today that will in small ways push me that next little step toward where I need to be.
Reminding myself to be patient with the journey and not in a rush to arrive at my destination.
Absorbing the lessons I need to learn in this moment and applying them toward my next steps forward.
Knowing that I don't have to stay here, that I have options to consider to keep moving toward my goal.
And above all, loving the true me, the one inside who loves people and God's creation, despite where I'm at on my health goals.
And why don't we throw in some laughter for fun. As I was writing this, I was reminded of the Tim Conway skit on the Carol Burnett Show where he plays an old man doctor. Watching this skit I could see so many similarities to my current situation. I was the sick man in a rush, my plan and my body was the old man taking the tiniest of steps, getting caught up in a rug, unable to jump over the rug, needing to find a way to get over the obstacles.....HAHA! Hope this skit can bring some humor to your day and inspire you to find a way to keep moving forward.
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