I was working with a client recently to help them set career goals for 2020. One of the tools we were using in the session was a series of questions to help you identify WHY you want to achieve that goal, what benefits you think it will provide to you (or pains it will prevent), the obstacles to be overcome to achieve the goal, and the actions you need to start (and stop) doing in order to get you to the end result.
As an example, a lot of my career-coaching clients are looking for a promotion or that "better job." They think the better job will somehow improve their current conditions (new challenge, more money, better people to work with, etc.). So we dig a little deeper to figure out why they feel they need a challenge or more money or why they think this new imagined group of people will be any different than the ones they have now. Usually we get down to the real cause of the boredom, need for money, or better people. I could have a different blog post on each of these situations and why our solution to "change the job" rarely ever creates the desired outcome we thought it would. That boredom or need for a new challenge is inspiring but once that new challenge is achieved you'll need a newer challenge and you'll still feel unsettled or bored. The need for more money is probably driven by not facing a personal problem you need to deal with which you buffer against by over-spending. Not getting along with coworkers is probably because you think they should do everything the way you want them to and, lo and behold, they are unique individuals who can choose to do things the way THEY want to and they DO! (gasp!) Your new coworkers will be the same way and you'll still find people you don't like.
The theme among those three common situations is that we think things will be better on the other side if we just change our external environment.
The vast majority of people work toward goals because they think achieving it will make them feel better afterward. I hear, "I just want to be happy" a lot. But most people find that once the goal is achieved, their life doesn't automatically calm down and turn into fields of flowers and sunshine. After achieving THAT goal, there's usually some new goal that has to be achieved in order for us to "feel happy." And the cycle goes on and on and we never quite get to that "happy place" we were expecting. Or in the case of our "better job" example, we find that the new job has problems, too, and we're just back to square one.
I want to challenge you all to take your goal-setting to the next step. I'd like for you to ask yourself, "Who do I need to be right now to achieve this goal?" Or "Who do I need to be in order to have the dream life I want filled with happiness and lovely people?" And I'll tell you that the answer isn't "a crazy worker who works relentlessly toward achievement." It's also not "the person who jumps around aimlessly looking for something better."
When you think of successful people, those folks who have already achieved what you are working toward and what you want, what qualities do they tend to have?
they tend to be calm
they tend to appear balanced
they tend to be happy
they are probably organized
...they look like all those things we REALLY want to be and think "our goal achievement" will provide to us.
But the majority of these people were already this way before they reached their goals.
And that's the trick.
In order to become the happy, balanced, successful person you want to be in the future, ...you just have to decide to be that person now and act accordingly.
Happy people choose to be happy.
Balanced people make choices to maintain their balance.
Calm people make choices in advance to not react explosively or get bent out of shape.
Successful business leaders take action.
The other trick is that these people aren't always 100% successful, but they work each day to create the kinds of lives they want. If they fail or slip up, they don't let it get them down, they keep moving.
Again, "happiness" seems to be the true, root desire of most of my clients' goals. It is really and truly the thing they are chasing under the title of "better job" or "promotion." (Or relationship change, or weight loss or fill in the blank with the title of your goal). This video by one of my favorite researchers, Shawn Achor, goes a long way toward helping you decide today to be happy. In this video he states that 90% of our long-term happiness is NOT predicted by our external world (the better job) but by our internal world (our choices). He says that each time your brain has a "success" (or reaches a goal) you've just changed the goal post or target for the next time.
At the end of the video he briefly shares several methods you can use to retrain your brain for happiness and positivity. Here are the three that I suggest you start with. Do them for about two minutes per day for 21 days and let me know how you feel!
Write one positive email praising someone in your social or business network each morning.
Write down three new things you are grateful for in each day.
Journal about one positive experience you've had over the last 24 hours.
Choose happiness today and watch your goals take off.
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